“Look, without our stories, without the true nature and reality of who we are as People of Color, nothing about fanboy or fangirl culture would make sense. What I mean by that is: if it wasn’t for race, X-Men doesn’t sense. If it wasn’t for the history of breeding human beings in the New World through chattel slavery, Dune doesn’t make sense. If it wasn’t for the history of colonialism and imperialism, Star Wars doesn’t make sense. If it wasn’t for the extermination of so many Indigenous First Nations, most of what we call science fiction’s contact stories doesn’t make sense. Without us as the secret sauce, none of this works, and it is about time that we understood that we are the Force that holds the Star Wars universe together. We’re the Prime Directive that makes Star Trek possible, yeah. In the Green Lantern Corps, we are the oath. We are all of these things—erased, and yet without us—we are essential.”—
So I’m in Miami at a night club bar thing called Blackbird Ordinary. At the moment I am alone waiting for friends to arrive. Being alone at this place makes me feel odd because I’m choosing not to interact with anyone I don’t know. I don’t know anyone and I guess I am not in the mood to know anyone.
I am also drinking and so is everyone else. So I am not looking to engage anyone romantically because no one is able to consent. This is making me feel like there are dark clouds, rumbling with thunder, but no ground is being contacted so there is no lighting.
I need to reconfigure myself accordingly. But I am preferring to stay in this detached and neutral mood for fear of finding someone I may like that may like me back. I am actively avoiding eye contact in order to fulfill this goal.
I need to internalize this stand and carry it on is the way I feel at the moment. This is because my increasing awareness of gendered dynamics is making me just want to stay still and not gaze (as in male gaze) anyone ever again.
This is a dead end though, since there are people that wish my gaze upon them. There has to be some balance or something. I am mainly looking for the bare, low, minimum acceptable behavior from which to build from. I have some notions of such a base but it fails me, more than enough times to be confident in it.
A back to basics course is something I would like but I think I need to figure these basics out for myself, through tg
Hold on a woman, a drunk one, just hit on me. *wish me luck*
“People of color, women, and gays — who now have greater access to the centers of influence that ever before — are under pressure to be well-behaved when talking about their struggles. There is an expectation that we can talk about sins but no one must be identified as a sinner: newspapers love to describe words or deeds as “racially charged” even in those cases when it would be more honest to say “racist”; we agree that there is rampant misogyny, but misogynists are nowhere to be found; homophobia is a problem but no one is homophobic. One cumulative effect of this policed language is that when someone dares to point out something as obvious as white privilege, it is seen as unduly provocative. Marginalized voices in America have fewer and fewer avenues to speak plainly about what they suffer; the effect of this enforced civility is that those voices are falsified or blocked entirely from the discourse.”—Teju Cole (via newwavefeminism)